carriesfirstperiod:

my mom just looked at a spider at our kitchen and yelled “why do you have to be like that? you dont need that many eyes or legs you need to stop”

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thorxndor:

I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

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adrians:

adrians:

the best thing about having the house to myself is that I can make breakfast in my underwear

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I was just thinking about someone else touching you and now I can’t decide on whether I want to break their hands or my own.

i just want you all to myself, i’m sorry  (via childoflust)
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